Self-Conservation Is Not Being Selfish

“I am an extremely jovial & Sociable individual. I am pragmatic to a fault. One of the many things that I have come, to learn, is that sincerity must be reserved and given only to those who deserve it. And one must save one’s emotions, channeling them only to the people who are worthy of it.

One of the biggest struggles of my life has been finding the balance between being there for others and being there for myself. Understanding that taking care of myself is not about being selfish, but about self-conservation.

For as long as I can remember, I desired to keep everyone around me happy. I was also very fearful of upsetting others. I use to think that giving endlessly of myself showed how selfless I was.Over time, I found myself doing whatever I could to keep others happy. In short, this meant saying yes to just about every request that came my way. No matter the day or time, no matter what I was doing, I found time for others by neglecting my own needs.

In reality, it’s just a way to not be accountable for my own happiness. I wanted to believe for so long that people affected me and my happiness. I spent so much time being devastated and heart broken by others actions. I think there is a sense of security we experience in allowing others to manipulate us. but then one day it dawns on you … how precious your life is and how it’s not okay .”. In reality, we are saying that we don’t want to take responsibility for ourselves because we then have to be accountable for every interaction, decision, and choice we make.

Once I accepted responsibility for my own happiness, I began changing internally. I started realizing behaviors I displayed and practiced daily that were contributing to my unhappiness. I also started recognizing the people I surrounded myself with and behaviors they had that I knew were not going to grow with me. The hardest part is understanding that you have to change all of these dynamics in order to change your life completely.

If you have a goal in life, but you are continuously living out the goals of others, then you will never reach your own accomplishments. If everyone is going out to eat and you are trying to save your money, it becomes difficult to socialize. I had to come to a reality that I have goals I am trying to reach.  and the truth is that you have to become comfortable with what’s best for you in life. What are your goals and dreams? What’s going to keep you the happiest in the long run? We have to learn how to conserve ourselves while living amongst others. If you aren’t comfortable saying “No,” then you aren’t comfortable truly being happy. If I spend all my money trying to keep up with my friends, I will be the one unhappy, not them. I can’t do everything everyone else is doing because I have different life plans and goals.

Whether it’s money, emotions, time, jobs etc, we have to learn how to conserve our own happiness. We cannot live our lives for others. As a Wife, if I am unhappy, ultimately my family isn’t happy. I can’t always say: Yes.” I can’t overextend myself in friendships to the point that I have nothing to give myself. True love and friendships are not about us giving all of ourselves in order to prove our love and devotion. It’s about becoming your best self so that others around you can do the same. It’s about creating boundaries and living a life that reflects who you truly are. It’s about understanding that you should never take what you do not plan on giving back as well as never giving that of which you need for yourself.

 

It took me such a long time to realize that I do not have to answer every single call and be everything to everyone because that only leaves me dry. I will continue to give and love and be there for those who need me. I will also say “No,” create boundaries, and no longer give so much of myself that I have nothing left. If you are feeling like you aren’t getting as much from others as you are giving to them, take a step back and give a little more to yourself because your happiness is what fuels you to make others happy. There is no reward for a self-sacrifice that would make your happiness worth the burden of endless giving. When I speak of giving I am speaking of emotional and physical presence in others lives. You can’t say you never accomplished your dreams because you were busy supporting others with their dreams. That will never make you feel whole and that will never make you feel happy. We have to create a balance in all things we do.

My first priority is myself, and making sure I am happy and healthy so I am able to take care of my family. Sometimes that means not answering the phone when friends call so that I can focus on my daughter. Sometimes that means not going out with friends so that I can spend time with my Bae. Sometimes it means going places with my friends without my family so that I can maintain a sense of self. Creating balance isn’t easy, but we don’t have to be all of one thing in order to be a good friend, parent, spouse or person. Find a balance that encourages all sides of you.

Life is a one time offer use it well, do what you love and regret nothing there is no time to wait to waste.

©Modernkonect

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