“Heartbreak“ There is no pain quite like it in the world. It is universal and it knows no race, class, ethnicity or age. Heartbreak has no boundaries. It’s that gaping hole that feels like a meteor has crashed into your soul and left nothing but a big, black void that sucks up your entire universe. It’s when you pour your heart into a relationship, giving your warmth and love, thinking about the bright future together, picturing a perfect wedding, beautiful kids happily ever after and then… it all blows up in seconds – it’s hard to comprehend, and the only thing that you are left with is your shattered heart all around you and a profound sense of frightening uncertainty, and you have no idea what the future holds in its pockets for you. You think that your heart will never be mended or capable of opening up, trusting and loving again. It’s especially hard when you are the one who wanted this relationship to last and evolve. You never even thought about being with someone else… and then what? Single again and open for new chasing games? It’s challenging to snap your fingers and just like that to stop loving that person. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.
It was during my last relationship/engagement that I learned that falling in love could be both a blessing and a curse. The vulnerability of it all, the volcanic explosion of emotions that can erupt on a weekly basis, plus every last ounce of yourself that you pour into it. For a long, long time, I was blinded by that feeling of my heart smiling inside out, that feeling in which your whole world lights up when someone walks into the room. Then, slowly, reality seep into the dissipating world into which you have been wrapped, you start to see things and people for how and who they really are. However Love is a risk — And relationships do not come with instruction manuals but instead they come with lessons on life and trust. It seems that falling in love with someone who is wrong for you, is one of the most painfully rewarding ways to learn how to trust yourself and your gut.
I was not strong enough to trust my gut when it told me that something about my relationship was off, that something was just not quite right. For someone who never really lets fear stand in her way, I was letting it boss me around. In time, I later learned that I was not necessarily afraid to lose my ex — I was more so afraid to lose the feeling of being in love.
I started to push myself to want to be in my relationship. There were things about it that still made me feel excited and still brought me comfort and smiles because truthfully, I was still absolutely in love. I mean, I had given up everything to create a life with this person. That counts for something, right? There was too much noise in my head, too many justifications trying to save us from persecution.
But, through our years together, the conflicting feelings of not knowing if love still existed and never being able to leave left me stuck. There was a larger piece of the whole puzzle missing. On Saturday a morning my ex-came home, sat down “and in one breath” said I love you, but i don’t want this anymore; we should be friends and broke up with me. A deafening silence took over and the paralyzing pain of rejection kicked in and the fear of being alone and never again finding love reared its ugly, self-deprecating head, I found myself drowning in efforts to paddle back to my relationship, even though I knew it was a sinking ship. I was so afraid to swim to shore and let go —This was my one and only chance, so I had to push for it, no matter how trapped it made me feel on the inside— I was willing to go down with the ship. This is when your head starts to rule your heart….
The facts start to filter in and facing them feels like struggling to answer questions asked in a foreign language. “But, I just do not understand. What the hell does this even mean? ” But, the truth is that we always have answers to the questions we ask ourselves in life — They’re just not always the answers we want to hear. I felt like I could hear my heart sobbing in a corner — Every second of every single day, it just ate away at me. Feeling empty never weighed so much, felt so heavy or took up so much space.
Pain Is Inevitable…Face it! If I knew any shortcuts to avoid the pain, trust me, I would have shared those. I was looking for shortcuts myself. I didn’t want to feel pain. I wanted to numb it; I wanted to shut it up… There is no way to skip around that messy forest, only through it. The most challenging thing: to stand still and to let emotions flow and experience them to the highest level. Naturally, we try to avoid pain; we try to numb it down by decreasing the volume of pain like you do when a song you don’t like blasts on the radio… but it doesn’t matter how many coats of paint we put on a crack – it’s still there.
It takes some time to ease and release pain as heartbreak can turn anyone bitter — even if it was obvious that it was coming. It took time for me to go through the thickness of it all, the sludge of emotions that slow you down like mud, “then why doesn’t she want me?” question that keeps a broken hearts up at night. For a while, it made no sense to me, emotionally. I was so in love — we were so in love. How could this happen? But deep down, I knew; I was just reluctant to accept it. Acceptance would mean moving on, giving up hope, looking beyond the “what ifs?” and the “maybes” that make you think can resurrect something that’s long gone. What you had together may have been beautiful while it lasted, but it is a beauty that inevitably wilts like a flower and lose its shine.
5 Reminders When your Dealing with a broken Heart.
Give yourself time, as much as you need. Don’t be afraid to face it all; you can go through it, trust me. It’s not going to be easy, but the only way out is to go through. you have to go through hell to get yourself to a better place emotionally, It takes courage to stand all alone but…. Everything gets better with time.
Friends Vs Friendly
There is a difference between staying friends and be friendly and nice to each other after the breakup especially if you have mutual friends or children involved, there is little chance to avoid each other. It is up to you which route you choose. I know examples of people who have broken up but still stayed in touch because they were genuinely interested in each other as individuals, but the relationship they had together simply would not give them what they aspired to. And it’s fine.
If you don’t have mutual friends and nothing links you two together (like a workplace, kids, Mutual friends, etc.) then again, it’s up to you to decide whether you want that person to be in your life or not.
Quality Time With Yourself
When we are in a relationship, we dissolve in each other and forget what it’s like to be YOURSELF. It’s a good idea to go for a holiday someplace nice with a friend or alone. Go away to refresh the surroundings and then come back with new perspectives.
When we have a break up with our “second half,” we don’t feel whole, we feel broken. But the liberating idea is that we don’t need anyone to feel complete or happy. It’s our job, and it’s up to us to be whole again and responsible for our happiness. We need to take that responsibility into our hands – this way we will not be so attached to anyone. The more we are connected to somebody or something, the more pain it brings when we lose them for any reason. and it’s optional how painful it should be.
New attitude, and new thoughts – then go for it. It is always a good idea to experiment new things opening your heart and mind to new suggestions that life is always rich with. Take up a new hobby or two. Do something nice for yourself; there are no limitations. Let yourself experience new things and be happy. Quality time with yourself gives you an understanding of how to take better care of yourself. This is the time when you need to surround yourself with as many positive people and experiences as possible. Show yourself love and attention you deserve.
Turn pain into power– Like any emotion, pain has energy. Like any energy, it can be transformed into any form you want, and you can turn it into something better that would work for your good. We can always choose to see things differently if we take a position of an observant who would detach himself emotionally from experience and see the whole situation for WHAT IT IS.
Its A Life Experience -Sure going through a breakup is tough, but no matter how painful or pleasant it is: it is a life experience that makes you stronger. Think about all the life lessons you’ve taken out of that relationship. The more we go through life, the more we turn our wounds into a source of wisdom and power – the stronger and more resistant we become to life challenges.
You are capable of opening up your heart again. But first, you need to learn to love and appreciate yourself. The process of going through all of it will help you realize the strength you have inside of you. You are capable of making your life as great as possible. You can be the healthiest and the happiest version of yourself once you learn how to trust who you are and what you feel.
There is a reason for you to be here. You live and go through life lessons. And this world is so much better with your loving heart beating… This too shall pass.