We fall into, love by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. You see the flaws…. But we love anyway.
None of us are perfect, and by most of us (speaking for myself) is far from it. After all, we are all humans, and therefore all quite a bit shy of perfect. For many years of my life, I believed that in order to be worthy of being loved I had to first be perfect. I would guess many out there have possibly felt that same way.
Thinking that you are only worthy of love if you are perfect is one of the most damaging things you can tell yourself because the reality is that you will never achieve “perfect” in this life so that would suggest you would never be worthy of love in this life….absurd! Of course, we deserve love. All of us do.
So the first things we have to do is accept that we aren’t perfect, but we are still worthy of being loved. The next mistake we (including myself) often make is to expect perfection of others, especially those we are closest to, we get frustrated and annoyed with little mistakes they make and the natural response is to act irritated with them, sending a subtle message that they have somehow lost a little of our love. but we need to love them despite their imperfections.
Why is this important? If you are waiting for the perfect person, you’re in for a long wait. Mister (or Miss) Right is out there, but Mister (or Miss) Perfect is not. You will have to figure out what flaws you can deal with and which you cannot. This doesn’t mean you’re looking for a fixer-upper, someone to change or mold to meet your expectations. That’s not going to work out well, is it? Instead, you have to figure out what is a deal breaker, and what you can live with. If you can live with someone who treats you badly or cheats on you regularly, you probably need to work on your self-esteem. For nearly everyone, that’s a deal breaker. But there are plenty of minor issues.
Is leaving the seat in the ‘wrong’ position a deal breaker? Toilet paper feeding over the top or under, can you live with their preference? What if they have an allergic reaction to cabbage and you love it? If you love sausage and eggs, but they won’t eat pork?
What if they are forgetful? What if they love a color you hate? What if they like a different kind of music, and hate your favorite? We’re all different. We all have imperfections. What can you live with? When we are infatuated, we often miss the flaws, but by the time we are well and truly in love, we have cleared our eyes, and are seeing them for the human they are. Flaws and all, yet we love them none the less.
Where can I apply this in my life?
I believe that this can be applied to anyone with whom you have a relationship. While the likely intent of the quote is romantic love, I believe it applies equally to the other flavors of love, be it platonic, familial, or any other name by which you label a close, caring bond.
Is your best friend from school perfect? What about your friends at work, are they perfect? Is there a single member of your family who is perfect? Yet you have some kind of loving relationship with them all, right? But you know they are flawed, as are all humans, right? Again, I’m not insisting that it be a romantic relationship, as there are many types of relationship and none are even remotely close to perfect. Unless you are still in the infatuation phase of a romantic relationship, in which case they will be, until reality returns.
If we want to be happy together with those we love we have to find a way to remind ourselves that we aren’t perfect and neither are they, but we love each other, imperfections included. By giving and accepting that kind of love we both draw closer to perfection each day as we exercise patience with each other and focus our attention on improving ourselves
In short, this about observation. Understanding the other person by knowing them very well. Knowing what they like and dislike. It’s about exploring each other’s pasts and the desires for the future. By knowing, you can begin to understand. As you understand the respect between you grows. As the respect grows, the opportunity arises for appreciation and even love, of the appropriate type for the relationship.
Again, nothing will be perfect, but with a common core and a common direction, one can find appreciation and love. And as long as you were able to see the person perfectly, that is seen and understand all their flaws, there is no reason to believe it won’t last.
Love it’s a crazy thing that happens at different times, and you can’t force it, it just comes so be open. live life and remember that love will wash up on the shores of your heart. it isn’t about finding the perfect person. The beautiful thing about love is finding someone you can grow and learn with. It is finding someone who inspires you to be better each day and who you, in turn, can inspire too. So Whether it is a romantic pursuit, or a lifelong friendship, seeing their, failures, stupidities, ugly points, wart and all are important. In knowing, a decision can be made. If you are just guessing, life will be far more uncertain than is necessary, and that’s usually not the best thing!
If you can’t accept any of these things than you’re expecting something that doesn’t exist in this world, perfection.