Most people have a list of things they want to accomplish before they hit their 30s. Hopefully health is still on your side, and you’ve still got far fewer familial commitments than someone who’s just turning 40.
Put simply: The more you care about what people think, the more you’ll be trying to live the way others want you to live. My life is very different than what I expected life to be. If you review my life span in increments of 7-10 years block, each block would look very different from each other.
I’ve always thought I would have my life figured out by the time I turned 30. I thought I’d be happily married, maybe with 2 kids , living in my own house, kicking butt at work, running an empire with my soulmate and feeling secure in myself, my relationships, and my life situation in general. Oh, how I was wrong.
Here’s the reality of my life:
- I’m Separated/Single.
- I had to sell my house
- I had to move back home
- I have another failed post friendship. ( Something that could have been Amazing)
- I commute over an hour and 40mins (one way!) to a job that I enjoy but that is incredibly draining.
- My life consist of work & writing (but i drown myself more into writing)
In a lot of ways, I did not do as well at age 30 as I imagined. As older years approached, all I could focus on was how embarrassed, ashamed and sad I felt for everything that I’m not: Not married and with a daughter that I don’t spend enough time with, and now i have to start over from scratch on my own, mentally well and stable.
All of the shame and embarrassment I was feeling was completely due to someone else’s timelines, not my own! I found myself measuring my own life to where I see other people in my life who are around my same age and feeling like a total failure for not having what they have or for what I wanted (and still maybe do want?).
The truth, however, is that you can’t live according to other people’s timeline, and if you try do so, you will always disappoint them, and end up disappointed yourself. Moreover, if you live the way others expect you to live, you’ll achieve nothing but suppress yourself, thus filling your body with toxic energy that can result in all sorts of psychosomatic illnesses.
I needed to re-frame how I was approaching this new life. My 30s were challenging, yes, filled with some of the best and most awful times I have ever experienced. However, they also were a time when I grew and learned an incredible amount about myself. All that I have experienced and learned in my past are things that I can (and will!) take with me on this new journey ahead.
Instead of focusing on what I’ve lost or don’t have, here’s a list of some of the gifts I DO have:
- I Have loving and gracious parents who have welcomed me home without batting an eye.
- A Sister who loves me and support me more than I ever thought possible.
- Friends – new and old – who accept me as I am, make me laugh, genuinely enjoy my company, and inspire me to be a better woman.
- My Mom who who is my emotional rock and someone who keeps me laughing
- Extended family who support me and care about me.
- My Writing and coping skills help to get myself through each and every day keeps me going
- An experience of a true loving relationship.
- Knowing that I am a kickass /Counselor/Motivational Speaker ( & Great friend)
- A church community that gives me hope and stability.
- Passion for things that matter and the drive to act upon them.
Right now, I feel independently reborn every day into a path towards my lifestyle goals for the year.
Financially I’m stable , but I’m constantly working harder to achieve greater things. Physically, I’m strengthening my body weekly. Emotionally, I feel a sense of well-being. Daily, I find new ways of doing things which keeps my life fresh and positive.
The fact that the person I am today would make the girl I was yesterday proud hadn’t really occurred to me, and it makes me feel like the most fortunate human being on Earth.
I now face each day – with even more optimism and bravery than i would have say seven years ago – with the knowledge I have gained and the support of those who love me. Nothing in my life is how I was reared to think it would be. and, the best part? I wouldn’t change a thing.